On Learning, and the Grace of Getting It Wrong

Mistakes aren’t signs of failure — they’re the pulse of learning and the heart of therapy.

For counsellors, supervisors, and learners: why getting it wrong is part of getting better.

Every therapist remembers the sting of getting it wrong — the silence that follows a missed attunement, the comment that lands heavy, the moment we wish we could rewind. Early in our work, these moments can feel like evidence we shouldn’t be here. But in truth, they’re signs that we are learning to listen more deeply.

Irvin Yalom often wrote that therapy is, at its heart, a deeply human encounter — two people meeting in their shared uncertainty. It’s in that space of not knowing that something genuine can emerge. Our task is not to be flawless, but to stay open — to remain curious and real even when we falter.

In supervision, I often see how shame takes hold when counsellors equate competence with flawlessness. But growth in this field is developmental, not linear. We can’t integrate what we’re not allowed to get wrong. Mistakes, when held with compassion and inquiry, become part of the therapist’s internal scaffolding — shaping depth, humility, and trust in the process itself.

So, if you find yourself in that familiar ache of doubt, pause. Breathe. You’re not breaking the work; you’re becoming part of it. The invitation isn’t to be perfect, but to stay curious — to let every misstep remind you that therapy, and learning, are both living things.